idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think my mom watched the whole time
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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