My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
