dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
