Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
