I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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