News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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