I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
