awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
