sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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