in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
