I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
