I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
