Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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