So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
BRING THE BAGELS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
