a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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