He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Terrible idea I love it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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