Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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