I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
