you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
