So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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