First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
