one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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