you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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