I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
