dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
