I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
