I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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