I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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