party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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