I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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