i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
