I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
