we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
