My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want a musical about memes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
