I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
