Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
