escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
