This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
