I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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