I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
