butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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