shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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