Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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