All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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