So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
