What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just cropdusted the office
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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