Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
