my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
