is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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