he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
