I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
