ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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