Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
